Bus Privacy

So I was on the bus one day and I was the only passenger. Eventually we picked up another person. I wasn't paying attention because I was focused on the Tetris game on my cell. Our new passenger walked toward me, stopped, then sat down to the seat right next to me.

I got excited, thinking that if someone sat beside me on an empty bus, it had to be someone I knew. I looked up from my very busy (and very important) Tetris game to see who it was. I smiled really big for my welcome speech, but then realized that he was nobody I knew or recognized. He got comfortable, and I scanned him up and down. He looked at me real quick, grinned slightly, then looked forward.

I couldn't believe this guy, he sat down beside me on an empty bus with no sort of explanation! So I cleared my throat and asked "Is there something wrong?", he looked at me funny and said "Pardon?", so I repeated louder and more clearly. He answered no in a very long, sarcastic, and even insulting manner, like nooooo, what's wrong with you? kind of feel. So I continued, "Well why are you sitting beside me on an empty bus? Do you always sit here or something?" This time he said "Oh, oh no no no, I just don't like riding alone that's all.

Perfect, I thought, I'm stuck with a socially awkward man who doesn't have a girlfriend obviously. And letting him know that I wasn't gay, I told him "Look, I'm really uncomfortable sitting with someone I don't know." He said "Really? Well, do you like college football then?" I gave him the one eyebrow raise and responded "No, what does that got to do with anything?" He sat up straight in his seat and turned his body toward me in the blink of an eye with a face like he's seen a ghost. He practically yelled "HOW CAN YOU NOT LIKE COLLEGE FOOTBALL!!!"

There was a moment of silence, and I said "Look pal, there are two very important things that men don't do, we don't sit down beside somebody on the bus we don't know unless there's no choice!" He glared at me and asked "What's the second thing?" I responded "We don't take the urinal right beside someone who's using one." He scratched his head and asked "Why not"

I gave up and went back to Tetris. We were silent until I heard him start to sniff, and he asked "Did you fart?"