It's not my fault

Don't hate me! All I did was drink your soda...then spilled it on your couch...so I tried to clean it off, but I ACCIDENTLY mixed up the fabric cleaner with bleach. But I promise I went a store to see if they could fix it, but I didn't see that car coming, and well the couch was destroyed, but I'm fine (in case you were wondering). So this is is the truth, I went to a furniture store to find you a new couch, but it was too far so I HAD to borrow your car, it was just going to be an hour. But I ran a red light, ON ACCIDENT, and that cop saw me. I panicked, I wasn't thinking straight, I have a ton of unpaid tickets, so I knew they would have arrested me. Oh don't look at me like that, the chase didn't last that long, but I had to ditch the car, although they found it, saw that it was your car, but HEY, it's not my fault they arrested you, just because it was your car. Hey, they found out you were innocent, and I told you I would pay the holding fee for your car...although I didn't know that I had your credit card, I'll you back I promise! And I already said that I'd be going on a date that night, so you had to have known that I was going to use your car again. But I promise that I did NOT see that black Honda, it was dark out! So what, I totaled your car! It's not my fault! Besides, I didn't know I was dating your mom!