Public Notice

Remember kids, this what happens when you don't eat your vegetables

The Late Talk

Boss: Dude...yeah um...you're late again

Dude: You're right I am, thanks for noticing

Boss: You know we've talked about this

Dude: Trust me, no one knows that better than me

Boss: Then what's keeping ya?

Dude: Ha! Wouldn't you like to know!

Boss: I'm serious, if this keeps happening, I'll have to...write a report! I will!

Dude: A report? Wow...that sounds...serious

Boss: Forget it. What are WE going to do to keep this from happening?

Dude: Well I guess I can...hold on, whose we?

Boss: Just answer the question

Dude: You don't live with me! Are you publicly announcing that we're together?

Boss: What are you talking about? I have a husband and kids

Dude: Oh that's just makes it worse! I can't believe you're suggesting this!

Boss: Huh? No I'm just saying...

Dude: I'm reporting you to H.R.!

Boss: No, just pretend I didn't say anything, I don't want any trouble

Dude: ...well, ok. Same time tomorrow then?

Boss: GET OUT!

I love dealerships!

The salesmen at the car dealership are so nice. First of all, they save you the trouble of talking, they do it for you, like; "What you REALLY want is...", "This is the kind of deal you need", and "I can see you're excited about this". Isn't it great? I don't to say a single word there!

Second of all, they don't want your money, they just want you to sign papers! How easy is that? Suckers, I left the lot with a brand new car, and they said no money down and no payments! ...wait, what was that 6 months period thing? And the 10% apr crud? Oh well, it was probably about their family reunion or something

Soap Opera gone...truthful

"So why are you dating me? Is it because I'm rich? Smart? Beautiful?"

"No, actually I'm trying to get closer to your mom"

When worse comes to worse

A bum on the street asked me if I had any money to give him. Well I couldn't lie, so I kicked him in the crotch and ran for it

Your Stupidity, My Reality

Next time someone tells you to stop doing something because your not doing it right, tell them that you're the ONLY one doing it right

It's not my fault

Don't hate me! All I did was drink your soda...then spilled it on your couch...so I tried to clean it off, but I ACCIDENTLY mixed up the fabric cleaner with bleach. But I promise I went a store to see if they could fix it, but I didn't see that car coming, and well the couch was destroyed, but I'm fine (in case you were wondering). So this is is the truth, I went to a furniture store to find you a new couch, but it was too far so I HAD to borrow your car, it was just going to be an hour. But I ran a red light, ON ACCIDENT, and that cop saw me. I panicked, I wasn't thinking straight, I have a ton of unpaid tickets, so I knew they would have arrested me. Oh don't look at me like that, the chase didn't last that long, but I had to ditch the car, although they found it, saw that it was your car, but HEY, it's not my fault they arrested you, just because it was your car. Hey, they found out you were innocent, and I told you I would pay the holding fee for your car...although I didn't know that I had your credit card, I'll you back I promise! And I already said that I'd be going on a date that night, so you had to have known that I was going to use your car again. But I promise that I did NOT see that black Honda, it was dark out! So what, I totaled your car! It's not my fault! Besides, I didn't know I was dating your mom!

Discriminate

I went to a discrimination awareness meeting, and we all introduced ourselves. You can't help but to feel sorry for those who are victims of such an awful crime. For example, we had a zombie there, he was in tears (well actually blood was running from his eyes) when he told us that people will shoot, stab and/or beat him when walks up to somebody and WANTS to ask for directions. He's so stereotyped, it's not fair, not ALL zombies want to eat our brains.

Then there was a ghost who said that people will freak out when people see her, she was just looking around her old house, to catch up on old memories, and sure enough, people were screaming and carrying on. I felt so bad, I went to give her a hug, but I fell through her, it was kind of embarrassing, but she said "It's the thought that counts."

God was there too, but for some reason nobody was paying attention to him (except me). He was saying that so many people ignores him, forgets him, and never talks to him, but when something bad happens he gets blamed for it. So he sent his son to teach everyone how they should live, how they could receive blessings from listening to and living the commandments, and especially suffering for their sins, but he was killed by the people who were listening to him. As he continued, everybody else got louder. He finally said that he wants everyone to return to him, but by then he realized that no one was paying attention. He left soon after that.

I felt bad because I didn't say anything to anybody. I didn't stand for God. When I left the building, I saw God trying to wave down a Taxi, but nobody was stopping. I ran up to him and apologized for not speaking up for him. He smiled at me, which was THE most amazing smile I've ever seen. But I was still curious. "God?" I asked "Is it really worth it to do all that you've done, doing, will do for people who don't care?" He looked at me and said, "If you're the only one, then it was more than worth it."

Cursed Sleep

Why do I have to sleep? I want to do what I want to do! My body has been telling me what to do for TOO long. I think that I...no, we...no THE WHOLE COUNTRY should come together and protest this never ending control over us! It's time to take stand, to show our bodies that we're tired of being tired! Our bodies will fight, but we will fight harder! HA HA HA! Victory will be ours! Our bodies will have to listen to us!

I would get started now but I have to eat