Truth?

If a Presidential Candidate ever told the truth, would they get elected?

If hands could speak

What would your hands tell you? Are you good to them? Do they have scars?

Perhaps they would tell you to get a manicure? Maybe a massage?

I think mine would tell me leave the garbage industry for good.

Whatever the situation, always remember, your hands could be people too

'SO', my favorite word

The magic word today is SO. It's a two letter, intensifying word! It's amazing how this word changes any word to much higher standard.

For example, I could tell you that I went outside in the rain and got wet, or tell you that I got SO wet.

What good is it to tell you that my date was hot, when I could tell you that she was SO hot!

"Dude, that Metallica concert was worth it!" WHAT!? Don't demean a great concert! Use SO "Dude, that Metallica concert was SO worth it!" That's better

I want to be fired

So far I've had 10 jobs in my life, but I haven't been fired from a single one. Most people I know try to do everything they can to not get fired, I'm just the opposite. I try so hard, I really do! I end up getting those jobs that are so desperate that no matter what you do they brush it off; "Oh you ran a truck into building 3? Ha ha, Jake you're so funny."

What's wrong people?! What does a guy have to do to get fired around here!? It's time that I go on strike, I'll run around with picket signs yelling "WHAT DO I WANT? TO BE FIRED! WHEN DO I WANT IT? HOW BOUT NOW! However knowing my bosses they'll look at me and say, now stop that or we'll write a report on you. Excuse me? I just can't win, or in the case, I just can't lose

Convenience=Problems

Man has tried so hard to filter out every single problem in humans lives. Good job. But by so doing we run into more problems. It seems that life keeps balancing itself out with junk.

We created cars to prevent long distances of walking, but now we got gas prices, insurance, repairs, safety and emissions tests, tire and oil changes, other reckless drivers under alcohol fatigue carelessness or all combined. But hey, we don't have to walk anymore!

Politics, the law used to be 'Every man for himself', but now we have laws to protect and give us equal opportunities. The bad news?...*ahem*...let's just say that I feel safer walking into a New York alley at night than a politician's integrity

A Fine Doctor Indeed

So I went to the doctor today, she was really nice. She listened, she wasn't writing a prescription while I was talking, she told about my diet, and that was it.

I walked out of the room feeling like I finally found a cool doctor.

Well, they gave me my bill and THAT'S when I found out why they were 'special'

A dream of something...different

"When I become poor, I'm shaking the golden dust of my $700 shoes. That's right, it's going to be Microwavable Dinners, and powdered lemonade every night. No more of this sleeping in a bed the size of a car, nope, it's going to be a mattress and a pillow."

"You think you can stop me? Tough, I'll be poorer than you could imagine! I don't care what you or anybody else tells me, I'm going to do this! I'll get me a job shoveling dirt, flipping hamburgers, or be a teacher. I know what I want, and that's that!" Said Bill Gates jr. to his father.